The cast of the 14th season of “Dancing With The Stars” was announced this morning and I have two words for you: STEVE URKEL. At any rate, here's a breakdown of the entire cast's strengths, weaknesses, and likelihood to arouse television viewers to get up and vote for their dancin' asses.
Why you recognize him: The one and only Steve Urkel from "Family Matters."
Strengths: The man can really dance (see: the music video for Cee Lo's "Cry Baby").
Weaknesses: Multiple personality disorder (see: Stefan Urquelle).
Professional partner: Kym Johnson
Fan power: High. If he breaks out the suspenders in any dance routine even I will be convinced to vote in this show.
Why you recognize her: Host of "The View," GSN's "Newlywed Game," as Tracy Jordan's wife on "30 Rock," and star of her own Lifetime sitcom, "Sherri."
Strengths: As any avid "View" watcher can tell you, Sherri has been obsessed with DWTS for years. Surely in this time she's figured out all of the secrets to success. Also, in the past year she's lost a ton of weight through diet and exercise so she's physically primed to win.
Weaknesses: She's a bit much to handle, especially on her personal twitter.
Professional partner: Val Chmerkovskiy
Fan power: A little. If she doesn't have a ton of fans of her own, she has ABC's promotion power and a daily show on the network that will cross-promote the hell out of her.
Why you recognize him: Do the songs "Not Over You," "In Love With A Girl," "Chariot," "Follow Through," and "I Don't Want To Be" mean anything to you? If not, you've managed to stay away from one of pop music's biggest acts of the past 5 years.
Strengths: His father was a prison guard so let's hope he inherited his dad's fierceness.
Weaknesses: His song is the theme song for "One Tree Hill." INSUFFERABLE!
Professional partner: Karina Smirnoff (who won last year)
Fan power: Medium. His songs pull at the heartstrings of both lonely and hopeful girls alike. Plus, he's supposedly a truly nice guy and his fans love him.
Why you recognize her: Host of "EXTRA," where she previously has covered every season of DWTS for her job.
Strengths: Can already dance.
Weaknesses: She already knows and has interviewed everybody involved in the show.
Professional partner: Derek Hough
Fan power: Slim. She gorgeous, but how many straight dudes do you know that spend their monday nights calling in votes for this show?