Tell Us About Your Self(ie): Patti Stanger

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What is the wallpaper on your phone or computer?

There's two things. One is my mom, when I was like 6 years old. She just died. And then there's me and my boyfriend.

When you walk into a bar, what do you typically order?

Probably a glass of red wine, such as pinot noir or shiraz. Because If I do tequila I'm going to get laid that night. I know with tequila, you get babies. I have to be careful of that. I love wine now — I have a wine launching in the spring. So it's going to be my thing now, because I own part of Ty Ku Sakes. I can't say the name of the wine, because it hasn't launched yet, but there's going to be red and white and a rosé!

What's the one word you are guilty of using too often?

"Fuck." That was easy.

What's the last thing you searched for on Google?

My jewelry online! On, we just put it up there and I was seeing if it was in the search engine! And it was.

Who is the last person that called or texted you?

Jill Zarin! She wanted to go to lunch and I had already left town.

What was the last awkward situation that you were in and how did you handle it?

We were shooting the upfronts and doing Fashion Police, so I've got Kelly and George and Guiliana and Ms. Joan Rivers, and I'm just about to do my thing and my zipper broke on my Badgley Mischka dress, but Kelly told me, "It's the invisible zippers, it doesn't mean it doesn't fit!" And I had to sit and put my robe on and wear my robe and talk to them, while the cameras are rolling for NBC, while I'm waiting for the seamstress to sew my dress back up. I was so embarrassed.

When's the last time you went to a theater.

To see Joan Rivers! At the theater on Wilshire. And it was amazing, you have to see her, she's hysterical.

What's one TV show you think everyone should be watching?

American Horror Story! Pleeeeease bring it back! And also we are so addicted to House of Cards. I just want to dress like Claire [Underwood]. But also I want to appear as a witch on American Horror Story. Because I was a Wiccan, I was a real Wiccan for six years.

Oh! So we have to ask, what do you think about Carlton on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?

You know, I look at a show like that differently than you do, because I'm on that network! But look, I don't think she was being so mean to Kyle about the Jewish thing, but I think Kyle wanted to know about witchcraft and I don't think she was friendly about telling her about it. I don't think Carlton is mean or anything, I just think there is another way to say, "Look, I am a Wiccan, I worship the ground, I worship the earth and the trees" — that's what a pagan does — "and I believe what goes around comes around." But when you start throwing around, "Hey, watch that before I whammy you from the dark side!" I've studied Kabbalah, I've studied Wicca, so you can't be like that. You can't throw stones at people, because karmically it's going to come back to you even worse then you threw it at them.

Do you remember the first CD you ever bought?

It was an album, and it was Carol King, Tapestry. It was my favorite album, it still is to this day. And I used the quote "And the sweet tasting good life is easily found way over yonder, that's where I'm bound, that's where I'm bound" in my high school yearbook.

What music are you listening to now?

I'm a Pink addict! I just went to see her in concert. It's my go-to music when I'm working out. But I'm also corny — like, I listen to Bette Midler, and old vintage Blondie. I have an eclectic collection. And then I listen to Enya when I want to relax in the bath, so I listen to all different stuff.

What movie makes you laugh the most?

There's so many! Probably when Harry Met Sally. Only because we've all been there. But Billy Crystal would never get her in real life. It would never fucking happen. But I still laugh at that movie, when she's having that orgasm I still crack up.

What drives you absolutely crazy?

People who don't follow through in their jobs. Like, they think they know everything, they don't ask for help, and then the whole entire domino system falls apart and you end up doing their work. So I'm paying for them, but I'm also doing their work at the same time. It makes no sense. But in California I have to expect that. It takes three times to get one job done.

Pick one: New York or Los Angeles?

Well, can I transplant all the intelligent people into L.A., and then it's the perfect city in the world? And maybe one-third of the bitches, but only one-third of them. Because if we take all of them, there would be no men left for us. Because they are angry and bitter in New York, the women, because they are not getting laid. And the vibrators aren't doing it for them.

Puppies or kittens?

Puppies! I have two labs!

Comedy or Drama?


Bacon or Nutella?

Bacon. I'm a salt girl.

'80s or '90s?


If you had to pick one: Hannah Montana or Lizzie Maguire?

Probably Hannah Montana.

Now tell us a secret.

I was a practicing psychic for three years. Actually four years. Because I did three with Gold Coast Media and then I did one, I ran the Kenny Kingston psychic network. And I had to learn how to do the cards, but I always had, like, a psychic gift of intuition. So I had to do the cards, which to me was limiting. So I would take your jewelry, and read you, and I learned how to do astrology during that period. Then my company was sold and downsized because they let computers take over our jobs, because it was a lot of telecommunication, so I left and I saved two years' worth of money and then I came out to California and did readings at parties, and I dressed as a gypsy. And Halloween was my favorite season because I'd be booked for two weeks straight, and I worked with millionaires on their boats. And it was crazy.

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