A Fast & Furious Virgin And Veteran Talk “Fast 6”

What happens when someone who hasn’t seen any Fast & Furious movies sees Fast & Furious 6 with a Fast & Furious superfan? Why, things get fast, and furious.

Blandy McHandsome (Paul Walker) and Baldy McBiceps (Vin Diesel) in Fast & Furious 6

Via: Giles Keyte

Jack Moore: From the first moment I met you, Adam, I knew there was something fundamentally wrong with you. Don't get me wrong, you're a great guy. You're nice and smart and you bring amazing desserts to the office, but I knew there was a problem with you even if I couldn't tell what it was. Well now I know: YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A FAST AND FURIOUS MOVIE?! YOU'RE NOT A REAL PERSON UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN A FAST AND FURIOUS MOVIE!

That will change soon as you and I enjoy Justin Lin's latest masterwork. So let's begin with you telling me what you know about this amazing film series. You do know something about it, right? Right?!

Adam B. Vary: It's about a crew of speed-freak rage-aholics?

I kid, I kid! But before I really get into what I think I know about the Fast & Furious franchise — or "F cubed," as I've decided never to call it — I do feel I need to defend my real person-hood for a moment, just so you can hopefully understand how I could have developed this terrible pop-culture blind-spot.

So the first Fast & Furious movie — i.e. The Fast and the Furious, was, to my recollection, received as a junky B-movie that happened to be entertaining, which at the time meant "skippable" to me. Then everyone seemed to say that 2 Fast 2 Furious was bad (or, at least, not as fun), and then everyone seemed to say The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift was worse (or, at least, it didn't have anything to do with the previous two movies save for the title). Again, my takeaway was "you can definitely skip these, too."

Then Vin Diesel returned to the franchise, and all my straight male friends started going apeshit for Fast & Furious and Fast Five. That's when I realized that maybe I had been missing out, but I also felt like I somehow had to go back to watch the first three to understand what was going on. Because of the plot.

Ah, yes, the plot. Before I get into what I know — or think I know — about the "plot" of these movies, I do want to gauge just how much I've offended your Fast & Furious fandom already.

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