If English-speaking aliens landed on Earth and the first thing they did was park themselves on a couch and watch the Miss USA pageant, they'd think all we valued about those women was their ability and ability to walk while wearing a dress and heels. But these women can do so, so much more.
(Getty Images / Isaac Brekken)
One of the most awkward things about the Miss USA pageant is the sportscaster-style commentary about the contestants wearing their sequins and walking to and fro on the stage. Because, unlike a sports game, how much is there to say about that? The most interesting bits are when the announcer delves into the contestants' career plans, non-pageant hobbies, and higher education goals and accomplishments. Yet a contestant is more often than not showered with "praise" about how well she "emphasized her neckline" with an evening gown, or managed to walk with a large train, or had the "confidence" to sashay across the stage wearing a dress made from sheer fabric. "This is a hard gown to walk in, too — I'm really proud of her," was actually something one announcer said during the broadcast.
If the pageant, like Miss America, had a section where contestants could demonstrate a skill or talent, whoever was tasked with providing background commentary for this thing would be able to call out much less inane reasons to be proud of these women! Evident dedication to the gym aside, they're quite an accomplished bunch. Here, some of the contestants' many talents that you might only know about if you bothered to read each of their 51 bios on the Miss USA site. (Now that I did, you don't have to!)
Miss District of Columbia could dance or perform a cheerleading routine.
She's been dancing since she was a kid, and now cheers professionally for the Washington Redskins.
Miss Florida can model AND appraise her crown.
Her bio describes her as an "established model" who has studied at the Gemological Institute of America. If not the crown, looks like she might be able to appraise her embellished coral satin evening dress.