As hipsters continue to age and produce little baby hipsters, the market for unreasonable and outlandish toys grows ever larger.
Modularean Eco House
I grew a handlebar mustache just typing the name of this toy. It's an ultra-modern (and eco friendly) dollhouse. It begs to be looked at and not touched; curated by a fastidious child who enjoys Zooey Dechanel and whimsical taxidermy. It's currently one-of-a-kind, but I'm sure if enough people sign a change.org petition about it, we can coax it into production.
Awesome for hipster kids on two counts:
1) It's vintage
2) It's a record player that takes itself so seriously it's called a "phonograph".
No longer in production, but can be found on eBay, which makes it even more desirable.
Mustaches are the bat signal of hipsters. Might as well give your little hipster a head start with this adorable stuffed mustache with a mustache. It's like an inception for your face. No need for words (especially since your little one can't actually talk yet), this plushtache says it all. Available right now for $20 from Shawnimals.
Prince Lionheart Balance Bike
The most important message your little hipster can send is that they are cooler than all the other kids. This sweet bike is the best way to do that. First, no pedals. Your kid is too cool for pedals. Second, it looks like a vintage motorcycle. That seat looks unbelievably uncomfortable, but oh so rockin'. You can buy these from a website called Prince Lionheart, which coincidentally should also be your kid's name. It's only $110, which is a total bargain for having the coolest kid at the park.