A Card For Lady Gaga On Her Birthday

She turns 26 today.

Gaga arriving in Harvard earlier this year to speak about her Born This Way Foundation.

(Reuters / BRIAN SNYDER)

Dear Free Bitch,

Happy birthday you iconic diva, you! I tried to send you a card made with glitter glue, an egg, thong underwear, and spikes but the post office said it freaked them out and probably violated federal shipping regulations. But airport security must have told you that every time you've had to get yourself on a plane wearing your clothing, so I'm sure you understand.

Via: laineygossip.com

Over the past year, you've done something pretty remarkable, if I may say. Why, I hardly even know where you are anymore! Or what you're wearing! Madonna's in one corner of my brain, Blue Ivy's in another, and you? Well, since you didn't walk the carpet at the Grammys (did Nicki Minaj bribe you? or was that something you did out of the kindness of your heart?) I've hardly been aware of you since your Thanksgiving Day special. (That was weird, by the way.) (What's also weird is how your parents opened a restaurant. I hope they're making you a cake just like this, but you know, more expensive-looking.)


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